5 Differences Between True Love and Attachment

by Shamsul
Love or Attachment
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5 Differences Between True Love and Attachment

Are you wondering about the nature of your feelings towards your partner, do they boil down to simple attachments or truly to love? The complexity of love is undeniable, but this article aims to illuminate some distinctions between attachment and authentic love. Can you differecite between true love and attachment. Our hope is that these explanations can guide you in maintaining your current relationship or direct you toward creating a relationship truly based on authentic love in the future.

What is an Attachment in A Relationship?

True Love and Attachment

Attachment in a relationship refers to the emotional and psychological bond between two people. This can involve emotional dependence and the need to be close to the other person.

Attachment can be healthy when it is based on mutual trust, respect and support, but it can become problematic if it becomes excessive, leading to emotional dependence or possessive behavior.

1- Love is Selfless and Attachment Is Selfish

True Love and Attachment

Love is characterized by its altruism, while attachment is tinged with selfishness. When in love, the focus is on the other person’s happiness, continually looking for ways to show affection. Arguments do not revolve around issues of equal contributions or household chores, and the idea of emotionally manipulating one’s partner or dominating the relationship is not part of the dynamic.

On the other hand, simple attachment to someone focuses more on how that person can contribute to our own happiness. A strong dependence on the partner can develop, sometimes accompanied by an attempt at control to avoid abandonment.

Instead of facing one’s problems, one can use the partner as a means to boost self-esteem and fill an inner void. The belief that the partner is responsible for our happiness can lead to frustration and anger if our expectations are not met.

2- Love is Liberating; Attachment Controls

True Love and Attachment

Reciprocal love provides a space where you can be authentic. Your partner encourages you to show yourself as you really are without fear of revealing your vulnerabilities. Mutual trust blossoms, becoming a powerful personal growth engine for both of you. Love never seeks control; on the contrary, it transcends it. Your partner’s unconditional acceptance and support in pursuing your dreams frees you from the need to control your life.

On the other hand, attachment often tends to promote controlling behavior. It can dissuade your partner from spending time with their friends, engaging in hobbies they enjoy, or even trying to manipulate them into remaining by your side, regardless of their own feelings.

3- Love is Mutual Growth; Attachment Is A Burden

When love is present, you and your partner evolve together. Together, you work to become the most fulfilled versions of yourselves, surpassing your individual limits. In short, your growth is mutually encouraged, each stimulating the development of the other.

On the other hand, in the case of attachment, the desire for control and the inability to solve your own problems become obstacles to your personal development and that of your partner. Unresolved issues generate unnecessary dependency, thus limiting the growth of both parties and making it difficult for healthy love to flourish.

4- Love is Eternal, Attachment is Transitory

Love survives the passage of time. Relationships can end, whether temporary or permanent. However, if your feelings were genuinely rooted in love, this person would always hold a special place in your heart, and you would sincerely wish them the best for the rest of your life.

On the other hand, if your bond is based on attachment, a breakup could lead to feelings of resentment. You might even feel a sense of betrayal, fueled by the idea that your partner was responsible for making you happy, an expectation you think is unfulfilled.

5. Love Reduces the Ego, Attachment Strengthens It

True Love and Attachment

When love is present, a reduction in egocentrism is observed. The relationship acts as a means of transcending the ego, promoting personal growth, and encouraging one to adopt a less selfish attitude, favoring benevolence. The dynamic between you and your partner catalyzes positive change, marked by the courage to share your weaknesses, reveal your vulnerabilities, and communicate openly from the heart.

In contrast, relationships rooted in attachment tend to be under the influence of the ego. This is why many find themselves caught in a cycle of unsatisfying relationships, repeating the same problems repeatedly.

Difficulty introspecting and problem-solving leads to dependency within the relationship, making it seem like happiness is impossible without the partner’s presence. Trust in others to resolve problems or, at least, to help forget them becomes a vital component of this dynamic.

If love is not currently a part of your life, we sincerely hope you meet your soul mate and build an exceptional relationship with them. In the meantime, why not focus on becoming an improved, kinder version of yourself? As the saying suggests, “Like attracts like.” With this in mind, becoming the person you aspire to attract into your life is wise!

It is essential to cultivate relationships based on love, understanding, and mutual growth rather than unhealthy dependence. Please do not mix true love and attachment.

 
   

https://independent.academia.edu/shamsulIslam8

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