Know About The Transformative Power of Forgiveness

by Shamsul
Forgive me
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Know About The Transformative Power of Forgiveness

Read this if there is someone you can’t forgive

Is there a person you can’t forgive? I feel a deep aversion towards all the clichés surrounding the notion of forgiveness.

I am familiar with everything said and every bit of advice on the subject. During my life, I have read countless articles about letting go of anger. I collected Buddha quotes that I pinned to my wall. I understand that this process is anything but simple. The line between “deciding to forgive” and feeling inner peace can seem impossible. I know it.

Forgiveness stretches like a vast and impassable territory for those of us who value justice. Just allowing someone to go unpunished hurts us deeply. We want this person to bear the burden of their actions.

You cannot forgive because the simple act of forgiving seems like a betrayal of ourselves.

We do not want to give up the quest for justice, regardless of the injustice we have suffered. Anger burns within us, poisoning our entire being. We are aware of it but cannot detach ourselves from it. Anger is integral to us, like our heart, mind, or lungs. I understand this feeling.

However, here is the dilemma inherent in anger: it is an emotion of action.

We get angry. We seek justice because we believe it is an effective way to achieve it. Also, we assume that the more intense our anger, the more able we will be to bring about change. Anger fails to understand that the past is irrevocable, and the damage has already been inflicted. She doesn’t realize that revenge won’t right the wrongs.

In reality, the form of justice we sometimes hope for is not achievable. To be angry is to believe that one day, the person who hurt us will be able to heal us with such precision that we will never forget our past pain. The truth about anger is that it is like refusing to recover out of fear. It is the fear of getting lost in an unknown life without pain. It is the desire to find our old skin.

Images credits: Freepcik and Pixabay

But we want to be able to do it because, intellectually, we know that it is the healthiest choice to make. We desire the peace that forgiveness can bring, the liberation it promises. We hope the turmoil in our minds will eventually calm, but we don’t always find a way to get there.

There is no magic eraser that instantly erases the pain of past events. It does not remove the suffering you carry within you or guarantee immediate peace. Finding peace is a long and arduous battle. Forgiveness is simply a companion that helps you stay hydrated throughout this journey.

Forgiveness means giving up hope for a different past. This means recognizing that the past is irreparable, that the dust has settled, and that the damage has left an indelible scar that can never be erased. It means accepting that there is no magic solution to repair the harm suffered. It is realizing that, even if everything seems unfair, we must continue to live in this ruined city. And no amount of anger will rebuild this city. The reconstruction must come from you alone.

Forgiveness means agreeing to responsibility, not for causing the destruction but for cleaning it up.

It doesn’t mean you must reestablish a relationship with those who hurt you. It’s not about becoming friends, sympathizing, or justifying their actions. Forgiveness is simply recognizing that this person has left a mark on you. And that, whether you like it or not, that brand is now your burden to bear. It is the decision to heal your wounds, regardless of the scars that will remain on your skin. It is the decision to continue your path with these scars.

It’s about creating justice, defining karma, and forging destiny. It is about healing yourself and deciding that the rest of your life will not be overshadowed by what happened to you. It means moving firmly into the future, wearing each scar like a badge of honor. Forgiveness means that you will not let what happened to you define who you are.

Forgiving does not mean giving up your power, but on the contrary, preparing yourself to take it back.

Forgiveness can be complex but can be cultivated with time and effort.

Here are some steps to guide you in finding forgiveness when you cannot forgive a person:

1- Take the time to think about the situation and your emotions. Identify the feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment toward the person you want to forgive.

2- Try to understand why you feel these emotions. What caused the hurt or conflict? Comprehending the reasons behind your feelings can help you better manage the forgiveness process.

3- Recognizing that the past cannot be changed is an important step. Accept that what happened has already happened, and you can’t change it.

4- Talk about how you feel with a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional. Sharing your emotions can help you release anger and pain.

5- When you cannot forgive, try to understand the situation from the other person’s point of view.

This doesn’t necessarily justify their actions, but it can help you see things more nuancedly.

6- Forgiveness is a conscious choice. You decide to let go of anger and resentment towards the other person. This doesn’t mean you approve or forget what happened, but you choose to let these negative emotions control your life.

7- Practice anger management techniques, such as meditation, deep breathing, or exercise, to help you manage your emotions.

8- In some cases, it may be helpful to communicate directly with the person you want to forgive. However, don’t necessarily expect an apology or positive response from him.

9- Forgiveness can take time, sometimes even years. Be patient and continue to work on the forgiveness process at your own pace.

10- The ultimate goal of forgiveness is to find inner peace. When you can forgive, you release the burden of anger and resentment, which can positively impact your emotional and mental well-being.

Conclusion:

Forgiveness is an act of compassion towards yourself because it allows you to free yourself from negative emotions that may be weighing you down. It is not always easy, but it can contribute to your own healing and personal growth.

 
   

https://independent.academia.edu/shamsulIslam8

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Niamat Ullah December 6, 2023 - 2:08 am

Well said, Forgiveness allows you to free yourself from negative emotions.

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