Virginity | An Outdated Concept!
Even today on Google, when you type “virginity” in the search bar, you can see that some people are wondering how to know if a woman is a virgin before marriage. Hello, we’re not in medieval times anymore, I think?! Women, as is the case with all genders, are free to have relationships when they want and with whom they want.
Virginity is an outdated concept that causes more harm than good, and above all, that teaches us nothing about a person, their value and their sexuality.
First of all, let me define virginity as a social construct. What is a social construct, you ask? In fact, it is simply an idea created by society. Dictated by preconceived beliefs, social constructs serve humans in order to find meaning in their existence.
Virginity is a culturally anchored word. “Virginity” reminds you of the word “virgin,” right? In Catholicism, the Virgin Mary has her powers as a saint because of her virginity. Traditionally, the religion tells us that any sex outside of marriage is a sin. A virgin woman, meaning she has not been touched, is associated with purity and cleanliness.
The Hymen as Proof of Virginity
For many years, it was believed that the presence of the hymen meant that a person with a vagina had never had penetrative sex.
However, the hymen is not synonymous with virginity. The hymen is a thin layer of skin-like tissue that is located a few inches from the outer third of the vagina and can tear when a tampon is inserted or even when playing sports such as gymnastics or horseback riding. Each hymen is unique: it can take many different shapes and sizes. It is possible to have a hymen that completely, partially, or not at all blocks access to the vaginal canal. This is why some people have pain when they have their first penetrative sex, and others don’t.
Virginity reinforces the belief that the only way to have a sexual relationship that “counts” would be caused by the penetration of the penis into the vaginal canal, reinforcing the norm that sexuality must be experienced heterosexually.
In some cultures, in 2021, men still require blood to stain the bed as proof of virginity, while all the pressure surrounding “losing your virginity” is a simple production born from the norms created by human beings.
A Word to Remove from Your Vocabulary
So, why would the concept of virginity be so harmful?
Here are the consequences that can be generated in society:
Trivializing (or completely forgetting) women’s desire
Excusing men for their “loss” of control
Perpetuating gender stereotypes and even worse, endorsing them as women and putting each other down
Virginity converges a plurality of power relations controlling women’s bodies, attributing rigid standards to them.
Women are always hit harder…
Are you familiar with the concept of the sexual double standard? It refers to two different standards for men and women regarding their sexuality.
Double Standard
According to these standards, men would have more sexual freedom than women. Let me explain. If your friend, let’s call him Charles, comes back from a trip to Cuba and tells you that he had several sexual “conquests”, there is a good chance that your friends and you will congratulate him and cheer him on, right? Sometimes, it is even possible that women are seen as trophies that men compete to obtain.
Also, if Charles has sex when he is in the early years of puberty, say 13 years old, he will be told that he is finally a “real man” and that he has something to be proud of for having lost his virginity!
Conversely, if a woman tells her friends that she has had sex with several partners in the same week, she will be judged, people will worry about her and probably not throw her any flowers. The virginity of a teenage girl is often seen as something precious, to be kept for someone who will be worth it.
In this sense, the concept of virginity benefits men more than women.
Virginity reinforces the belief (unfortunately still popular) that the only way to have a sexual relationship that “counts” would be caused by the penetration of the penis into the vaginal canal, reinforcing in the process the norm that sexuality must be lived in a heterosexual way and heteronormativity.
Things to Remember About Virginity to Change Mentalities
1. The presence or absence of the hymen does not indicate a person’s virginity.
2. Virginity is not calculated or observed medically, so it does not really exist.
3. Your value as a human is not determined by the age of your first sexual relations or by your number of partners.
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